After living a decade being quite lonely in terms of not having very close friends around me, I started to believe how unwanted I had become. All my life consisted was eat, study, sleep and work- no social life nothing. I saw how my mum went from good to bad to totally depressed due to loneliness and isolation. All the family gatherings we had were suddenly out of the picture and that is when I began to realize how important it was to be connected to other. The more I saw how unhealthy my mum had become, the more I began to want to not be like her. I wanted to have people around me that I could meet up and chat with so that life would become more fun, as opposed to the routine monotonous life I had. I also realized how boring I had become as a person because I never watched TV and therefore it was hard to create conversations that were entertaining. I become a serious person who had lost their smile.
I then forced myself to initiate the first step as in befriending people. AT first, I couldn't care and I was happy I was meeting people. But as time went by, something changed. I realized that if I didn't make that step in continuing with a conversation, that conversation would never occur in the first place. I then started to think: "what is wrong with me?" Why is it that I am always the one who has to meet and greet people. Why should I be the one starting a conversation and maintaining it? That is where it hit me. I was just forcing myself to make friends only for the purpose of not being lonely- therefore serving my self-interests and the mind consciousness system.
Reality is- we don't NEED friends. We just simply see each and everyone of us as US - as life , as one and equal to life. As from now, I no longer NEED to have friends. I no longer NEED to make conversations. I just talk to those if I want to in the moment that it happens.
I want to Thank Desteni for showing me and teaching me about Self, this is the best lesson I have ever had.
